Phobias that aren’t…but should be

We’re back for another round of Wednesday Ramblings. Once again my partners in crime for this tag team are Bronwyn Green, Leigh Jones, Kellie St. James, Jess Jarman and Kris Norris!

Today the subject of our ramblings is…dun, dun, duuuuun…phobias!

However, since I spilled way too much personal ink last week talking about my peeves, this week I present things that aren’t real phobias but should be.

1) Tuberosis stinkophobia: Remember that one period in your life when you were working long hours and not cooking regular meals? Then came the fateful day you opened your pantry to a horrible smell. Yup, rotten potato. If you were really unlucky, when you picked it up, your finger squished into it. The thought that said tater might return makes you quiver and you root out (get it? root! ha!) every potato in your pantry in a timely fashion. You have a bad case of Tuberosis stinkophobia.

2) Agentus rejectophobia: This one is special for writers. It’s heralded by that queasy feeling you get right before you open the response to your latest query. The one that makes you pull the bowl of chocolates closer…just in case you need them. Oh yes, my friends, you suffer from rejectophobia.

3) Corpus maggophobia: A fear of small inching white worms. I spent nearly ten years practicing forensic anthropology and completely understand your irrational fear. Every time a call came in, I prayed for a case with dry bones. Please, oh please, not a case of extreme decomposition, for I suffer intensely from maggophobia. I mean pile-my-clothes-on-the-balcony-until-I-can-double-launder-them maggophobia. Want to see me jump? Throw a grain of rice at me.

Fergus in the Box 1, 03-06-094) Feline whizzophobia: A fear that your beloved kitty is no longer exclusively using its litter box and has developed a love of your shoe. Evidenced by strange sniffing behaviors on your part. (Feel free to substitute canine for feline if you’re a dog lover.)

5) Unsantarius portapottiphobia: I think this one is self-explanatory. Rustic camp sites? Nope. Can’t do it.

Bonus fake phobia that I didn’t make up but wish I had! Thank you, Gary Larson, creator of Daisy and Tuneythe Far Side for this one: Anatideaphobia: The fear that somewhere, somehow a duck is watching you. Read here of a girl, an epileptic female duck named Daisy who turned out to be a male, and the tragic tale of how it all went south.

Join me, friends. Comment below with your phobia that should be but isn’t.


13 thoughts on “Phobias that aren’t…but should be

  1. Dianne Salerni says:

    Rejectaphobia isn’t just for agent queries. It includes rejection of your manuscript by editors, getting passed over for a prestigious book festival, having a BN book store manager tell you you’e not famous enough to have a signing at his store, and having a snarky reader tag her review of your book as “Zzzzzzzz.” (And it’s funny how much that one snarky rejection will hurt more than a bunch of 5 star reviews will make you feel good … Why does that happen?)

    1. Tess Grant says:

      Good point! I should have called it Literarius rejectophobia.

      And it’s so true–even when the rest of our career is trending upward, one bad experience can ruin it. I guess it’s human nature. I’m working on thicker skin, but even so, it doesn’t always help.

  2. Leigh says:

    The rotten potato! I once forgot I had some in a cleverly hidden little basket. Fruit flies. I still get the heebie jeebies to this day. *shiver*

  3. Bronwyn Green says:

    I am painfully familiar with rejectophobia and Feline whizzophobia. Painfully. Familiar. And after reading about Corpus maggophobia, I’m pretty sure I need another shower!!!

  4. Bridget Grant says:

    Guillotine beheadusophobia!!!!!! A terrifying fear of being bumped off by the guillotine.

    Nasty bloodsuckusophobia. Fear of ticks & leeches & all other bloodsuckuses.

    Ebolaphobia!!! The name speaks for itself.

  5. M.C. Grant says:

    Rice bomb!!!!!! Ha ha ha!😏 And yeah, I got duckphobia real bad! Daisy was mean! (Of course, if you were a guy named Daisy, you’d be mean too…)

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s